Romantic Life Facilitation

In the midst of the most heart-breaking relationship breakdowns I’ve ever been part of, I watched myself draw visual metaphors and suggest processes. Sitting around a table with other people I deeply, deeply cared about, I calmly reflected back the courageously personal accounts of my lovers word for word so they felt heard, but always needed prompting to share my own. In casual settings where my dear friends jokingly exclaim “stop facilitating me!”, I am shown another moment where I let my strong facilitation muscles do the heavy lifting, instead of connecting more vulnerably, more emotionally and more as myself.

This shadow is quite simple. I’m better practiced at facilitating others’ to think together, rather than getting involved in the issues myself. The real disaster is entering with a facilitation mindset into a space where you're supposed to name your needs in order to get them met, rather than list everybody else's needs.

I've had another facilitator friend describe this slightly differently. The shadow of helping groups solve things together is that rather than showing up with love and empathy within your partnership, that you show up as a problem solver aiming to coach the ones you love into action.

If facilitation is a safe space for you, perhaps consider which relationships in your life you are okay (or want to be okay) feeling unsettled, personally confused, or insecure in. These are the same ones to avoid facilitating.